I'd Rather Watch

I’D RATHER WATCH

by Rosalie Kicks!

I’d Rather Watch: Tales From The Crypt

If I am in the mood to watch a bag of bones scurry across the television screen my choice will always be: Tales From The Crypt.

With the recent release of Jurassic World it got me thinking of a whole sack of reasons that I don’t want to view this video film.

1. Where is Sam Neill? How can you make a Jurassic Park movie without the King of the Dinosaurs/Geriatrics? Without Sam Neill the entire plot just goes to hell.

2. Where are the hipster nerds? Um, no Jeff Goldblum = no asses in the seats. Throw on a Tales From the Crypt… you never know who is going to pop into your living room. Big Star: Tom Hanks, Marty McFly and his mom, the Terminator, Mr. Orange, award winner Patricia Arquette, Billy Zane, BEAU! Bridges – the list goes on, so many greats.

3. Wait the Dinosaurs are not real? The Crypt Keeper is a REAL live skeleton and so were the dinosaurs in the first Jurassic Park. This so called new “dinosaur” movie has NO actual dinosaurs in it. Computer Graphic dependent, Hollywood has gotten really lazy… they can’t even wrangle a dinosaur anymore.

4. 124 minutes: In this length of time, I could watch 4! episodes of Tales From the Crypt. That is so much more AWESOMENESS and puns.

5. Who will save us from the raptors? Without Laura Dern everyone will die or have no arms – because the raptors will find you and eat you.

As I chug my way thru the Tales From the Crypt series my episode of recommendation is the 1991 classic: “Spoiled.”

Good Day.

Read more from Rosalie at sundaematinee.com