JUST JEFF
Reviews of Jeff Goldblum’s Performances in Films
by Susan
Panaway
Love is in the air…and so
is an orange blimp spaceship with fuzzy space men riding inside. Sound bizarre?
Well, welcome to Earth Girls Are Easy. Valerie (Geena Davis) is a totally
tubular manicurist preparing for her wedding with Ted (Charlie Rocket) aka Dr.
Love. Turns out that Ted is prescribing
his love to many patients. Down on her luck, Valerie decides to do what most
scorned women living in L.A. would do...get a tan. As she lounges about in a
string bikini, a vibrant spaceship (very similar to Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice
award) crash-lands into her pool. Wiploc (Jim Carrey), Zeebo (Damon Wayans) and
Mac (Jeff Goldblum) are located inside.
When Mac first appears on
screen, he’s covered in blue fur and hibernating in a tube. Typical Goldblum
behavior. The three aliens are then shaved and dressed in trendy California
threads. Valerie is stunned by Mac’s physique. Mac has his shirt unbuttoned or
is shirtless for a good portion of the film.
While Wiploc and Zeebo search Sunset Strip for “babes,” Mac focuses on
one woman. Me. Uh…I mean Valerie. Mac expresses his passion by saying “I could
make Valerie happy”. Swoon.
Mac’s smooth voice and honey-like charm win Valerie over. Cut to the bizarre love scene. Valerie and
Mac kiss on the mouth a few times then stare longingly into each other’s
eyes. Valerie has a horrific nightmare
following the sexual encounter. By
horrific, I mean terrific. It’s probably my favorite scene from the movie.
Please stop reading this and look it up now. I’ll wait……Okay great. When Mac later asks the question, “Am I Mr.
Right?”, Valerie responds with several yeses. Yes Mr. Goldblum. The answer is always
yes.
If you are looking for a
piece of cinematic mastery, this definitely isn’t it. However, if you like
gratuitous bikini shots, a black and white science fiction nightmare, and a
shirtless Jeff Goldblum*, give it some screen time.
*If you’re not into
shirtless Jeff Goldblum, “JUST JEFF”
is probably not for you.
Please tell me this will be a reoccurring column. [swoon]
ReplyDeleteYes! It will be a reoccurring column. Glad you enjoy, old sport.
DeleteLook at that picture and just listen. You'll hear Jeff Goldblum's vocal stylings. Slightly above a whisper... "You're right, Susan. Space girls ARE easy. You see, it's really all a matter of..." ... bam! Now you're trance-asleep. Those soothing JG tones have done it again. The work of a master. Fun column.
ReplyDelete